My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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