I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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