$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize