i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
