woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
