Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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