I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
