DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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