i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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