you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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