smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
