420 ftw
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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