Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
