Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
