Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
