apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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