You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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