omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
