I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
