The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
