i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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