He uses pillows to masturbate.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize