i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
