It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
