I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
