I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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