Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
