duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You took a bar mat shot.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround