I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What's dad's email?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.