someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra