you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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