um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it