I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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