Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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