it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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