She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
