I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
