It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
