FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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