He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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