you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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