the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize