Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
