i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
