My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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