Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
BRING THE BAGELS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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