He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
