When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
