Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
