And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
