I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
