she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
