sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
