i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
