I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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