We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
