I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
