ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
