now i know why i became what i already was.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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