This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
