I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
