thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
