I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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