i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
