Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
