Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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