When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
