First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
