I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
