Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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